klekota

Physically drained and I dont know where to turn or how to move forward in my marriage. My wife has a long history of addiction/ staying clean. I found out last August that she had been using opiates (pain pills) for about three months, as her father forced her to tell me. Her father suddenly died on Thanksgiving and triggered her to use again. By this time I recognized how she behaves when using. I called her on it and she blatantly denied her use (saying she is just tired, shes stressed etc etc.) until New Years where she came clean. She sworn she was clean and was never going to do it again. , however several times when I kept finding drugs on her. In February she seemed off to me. I was 100% positive she was using opiates. She completyly denied it and was gaslighting me. Stating that this was all in my head and I am a bully for accusing her. When she went to bed, I looked at her text messaged and sure enough she bought opiates from someone that night and used them. I asked her to come clean with me the next morning and said it is important that she not betray my trust. I'm sure those with experience know the denials that ensued. By dinner time I told her i saw the messages. Lots of nasty words exchanged later, and she admitted she used it but she will stop and its a one time thing. She started seeing a counselor one day a week. Same counselor gave me some advice on how I can support her through non judgmental tones and with supportive language. I admit it is hard for me to do that. In the end of March, she again seemed off. And I confronted her. I asked her as calm as possible if she did anything. That I am hear to work with her and I will not be mad but she needed to tell me the truth. More gaslighting and flat out denials. She lashed out and called me all sorts of names. I looked in her purse and found more opiates. She said she found them from a long time ago in a shoe box in the house and was keeping them for just in case. (It was a pretty weak excuse, but my estimation was to call it a relapse not get angry at to support her). About a week later I found out she was taking Xanax from a co-worker and doing wine/xanax cocktails. After my confrontation of mixing two downers, she promised to stop (only to ask her doctor for a prescription for Xanax because she was so stressed., which the doctor gave her). She Fast forward about 3 weeks ago, I walked into my bedroom in the morning and I found a pill in the middle of the floor. We have a 1 year old child....and this outrageously unacceptable to me. I walked up to her and asked her what the pill was. Immediately, she went into a fit of rage, cursed, spewed anger at me etc. etc. in front of our 1 year old and 6 yr old stepchild. After her blaming me for not trusting her and accusing her, she said that she did not know where the pill came from. Its a mystery. She thinks it fell out of her old clothes since it was in the bedroom. This is now twice that magical pills have appeared out of thin air...and I don't believe her one iota. To complicate things she has been getting a bit abusive with alcohol. She will drinks on weekends but she can get our of control. Last night we went to family function and she got intoxicated and belligerent. And I don't know where to turn. She also has a prescription for MJ, since we live in a medical MJ state. She partakes several times a day. I am at my wits end. This is the first time in our relationship she has gone off the rails. I have ste many boundaries for our relationship and she has trampled on all of them. At this point I need her to be sober. And work on her issues. That is my boundary. I know that only she can get herself clean. I just don't know what my role is in this thing. How do I deescalate the toxicity that brews between us, as I try to hold her accountable and respect my boundaries. I also would like to know how I can get support with her enabling mother. The entire time this has transpired, her mother has accused me for not trusting her. The mother nanny's our youngest child, as is there when I suspect her abuse. The mother steadfastidly refuses to believe me. Until I come up with proof. Then she confronts me. She does not stand by me otherwise. When I do confront my wife, my wife calls her mother and the mother tells her not to listen to me. The mother will then say I am not trusting her and that's a big problem. This last time with the pill, the mother again got involved and said I had her under a microscope. Perplexing since a pill was laying in the middle of my bedroom in plain sight where nibbling toddlers can consume it. When this fact was stated she exclaimed, well if it was tylenol would you get this upset...insinuating that I shouldn't jump to conclusions and trust that this fell out of her clothes as my wife claimed. It creates a lot of difficulties as it pits me against a team, my wife and MIL. I just don't know what to do for me, for my wife. For my family.