Thank you all for some thoughtful and whip smart responses.
hopeful - How interesting. you also just made me remember the last couple boyfriends I have had. While none were addicts, they all seemed to hate my nature of being extroverted. It was odd - just like with Abf there was always this kind of virgin/madonna complex they seemed to bestow on me. As in, the thing that they fell in love with about me, they also hated to the core. Before ABF I was involved with a man for a couple of years who loathed my genuine love of fun and being out and about. Mind you, I have never been disrespectful to any of them - but my nature has always been to be out and about and loving life, life of the party, etc. He was very emotionally abusive - telling me (even back in my 20's) I was too old to be dancing and I would do it only for attention. Or during a very difficult time in my life of deep depression/anxiety I tried to do more fun things to help me and how he would attack me for it (that it was my fault for bringing him to a boat/swim party because he was an overweight child and how I was putting him in a position where he would have to take off his shirt, despite him being slim now but heaven forbid I force him to expose his emotional scars!).
So yep - I have a history of being with controlling and abusive men. Oddly, while the above jerk was not an addict, he had a LOT of similarities to Abf. Anyway, I just interviewed for the company my sis is at that Abf doesn't want me to work for and low and behold, it went great! I told him and he is not happy about it and says "just letting you know if it ends up being similar to what your sister did and going out to lots of events, I may not be able to continue this relationship". I said, "okay cool"
. Amazing, you'd think I would be going to work at a strip club!