I second the therapy thing. One that has a lot of knowledge about addiction. And a book - Conquering Codependency and Shame. Both helped me pinpoint all that self doubt - separate how I really feel from what others say or feel about me. We take so much of what they say to heart that we forget how to listen to ourselves. Also - Alanon helped me a lot with detachment.
I also was "boring" because I didn't really drink anymore. I was angry, passive aggressive and controlling. And some of it was true.....a life with an alcoholic takes its toll, compounded on our existing issues. But - some of it was not true...and I had forgotten how to let someone think what they want....while I know my truth and let the rest go.
Hang in there - there are tools that can put a little safe bubble around you in the midst of that chaos, and crazy making. We've been there!!
And like Lexie said - a lawyer doesn't mean divorce, its just putting some information in your toolbox and in no way means you have to act.