Is the fifth step different here? Admitting the exact nature of our wrongs. Where were you wrong in this, except perhaps in harbouring a resentment?
My wrongs were where I betrayed my own values. In the sexual area, as a straight man in the depths of alcoholism, I found myself with gay men. This was wrong for me personally, and it was wrong for me to try and use these well meaning gay men, the only people that showed any concern for me at all.
I felt terribly bad about that until I got it out in my fifth and discovered it was all pretty normal for alcoholics of my type.
In the fellowship I belong to, sponsors are the common go to for the fifth step, even though the program actually suggests a number of other options. It does not actually recommend another AA member in fact. It says we think long and hard about who will here our story.
For us too, the penalty for leaving things out is severe. The fifth step promises do not materialize is something is held back, and the things we hang onto are the things most likely to put a drink in our hands. " Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell."