Glad you posted- sometimes we really need to get it out, vent, whatever - even just to hear ourselves say things and in the case of SR, rereading posts!!
You're right (and I like the description "gooey victim"!) - being ungrateful and playing the victim are extremely dangerous states to enter. I didn't realize how I played the victim while drinking (everything happened TO ME etc) until I quit drinking.
I was very sick for awhile- weeks, even months- when I quit because I was so damaged (physically and then emotionally). You are doing great - it's early days and you have a start - and I know I needed to have a program and the start to the new habits of AA that are natural now.
Keep going - you can do it.