...and waiting to see if your numbers come up. You know the odds aren't good, but oh man, winning would be really cool. That's what it feels like when I think about my AH coming out of rehab. I'm probably going to end up like most people posting here through the years, but I find myself fantasizing about having a sober healthy husband instead.
It's tough. I talk to him lately, and he's so very sober. It's really nice to talk to him sober. He gets out of rehab in 3 days. I know...I really do
know, that I'm probably being unwise in not objecting to him coming straight back home. I know that I'm being unwise in feeling too hopeful. "But I love him" is no excuse for not keeping my head on straight. I don't know...I guess...pray for me if you would. I'm gonna do a rare thing and pray for clarity and wisdom myself. Whichever way this goes, I just want to get my mind right.
I know what my boundaries are and right now I don't doubt my ability to stand by them. I know it's easier to be strong when he's not here, though. I'm super good at being strong when I'm alone. I will pray for the strength to stand by my values when doing so hurts my heart because not doing so will hurt my heart worse. I'll pray for the ability to take things one day at a time too. I can't really help him in recovery if he chooses to keep pursuing that, but I can take care of me and not be a codependent wreck. I mean, I was digging the weight loss that came with it, but maybe exercise and eating well is a better way to accomplish that, lol.
Much love to all of you here for helping me get through this far. I owe a lot of what sanity I have to you guys.
