I am getting sober while living in VERY close quarters with a severe alcoholic. My housemate.
When he first moved in he wasnt drinking, and I found out later he was going to AA at that time. But within a month he started up... Drinking those really big cans of Bud, and we are talking 7 or 8 of those every single day, often more, and many days he starts as early as noon.
He goes to work (carpentry) most days, and also goes to see his 5 year old child almost daily, sits him while the mother is at work.
I know that most of him wants out of the hell he is in. I can see how lost he is. And he seems absolutely and stonewalled convinced that he cannot do AA. I hate to say it, but I can't see him doing AA either. For one thing, I couldnt handle AA myself (there are beautiful aspects to AA, I grew up in AA, its like HOME to me, but it didnt seem to do the trick for my sobriety.. maybe down the road I will try it again... Gotta say all of that so no one gets angry me, lol.)
Anyway... He is doing poorly and he's come home recently with a bashed in bleeding face from a drunken fight (over NOTHING, with a passberby in the street!!).
Its not pretty.
He's a wonderful guy, though. Thats one of the most tragic things about it. He's got a wonderful heart... Honest, compassionate, witty, and he loves his kids.
He has also expressed a lot of interest in how I am getting sober. Unfortunately the guy isnt an internet type. Online based support seems an unlikely fit for him.
I know that he feels trapped, like I did.
Unfortunately, I am getting very close to the day when I will have to ask him to leave. I can't live with this stuff, especially now that I am sober.
These are the terrible consequences of his disease. And the only favor I actually CAN DO FOR HIM (besides letting him witness my own sober transformation, and giving him some resources if he should ask for those with the intention of stopping his active disease)... The only favor right now open to me to DO FOR HIM... IS TO KICK HIM OUT.
Its a favor, because it would be right in every single way to do it.
There is nothing GOOD in me giving him the right to live here while he is threatening my sobriety, while he is coming home bloody, while he is ringing my doorbell at 3 AM because he is too drunk to handle the the whole "house key business" (its very difficult, that fine hand motor movement required to operate keys, you know, and if youre seeing double, its damn near impossible). Its not good FOR HIM, that I allow it.
Consequences. Just the way it is.
I dont want drinking friends around me. I can love them, miss them at times, and pray for them. But its pretty clear that we arent going to fit together anymore.