Hi Sober runner,
Great to see you back again.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I probably know you better than most on this board and I would say that in all our correspondence, you've constantly stated a desire to control your drinking.
"And, of course I'm not ready to stop drinking! If I didn't like it, I wouldn't be doing it"
You've consistently cited your dislike for beer as proof that you can control your drinking. "You only drink the wine you like", is another of your AV's favourite lines.
You've consistently blamed other factors for "deciding" to drink. Your job, your change of location, boredom, stress etc
You kid yourself (let's face it, we all did) that because you can put some sober time together that it means you can drink normally. This is a fallacy. For many people who are alcoholics, drinking goes in cycles. Sure they can stop when they want, which is usually after a period of heavy drinking. But when they start again the drinking soon increases and round and round they go.
You've never once said " I'm an alcoholic and I'm going to commit to never drinking again"
If you're looking for a starting point Sober Runner, that is it. Without accepting you have this illness in the first place, then it's going to make things difficult.
From there, it's just putting in the work, something you're well versed to with your running.
Finally, have faith that you can do this if you want to.
Have faith, because you can. You really, really can.
This is all said with love. I'm not being a smart arse, I'm saying this because I care about you deeply and have done for a long time.
You're amazing, you're brilliant and you're worth it. Now you have to believe you're worth it.
Sending you some hugs.