Originally Posted by Dee74

I know about a love affair with booze, I also understand, from experience, a love affair with weed - I know what you mean when you say "I guess makes it seem like everything is fine/perfect. Since it takes all your problems/worries/etc and puts them on a rocket to outer space"

I think, like you, I felt smarter, I felt more insightful, more creative...man, I just felt *better* on weed. Trouble was that eventually, slowly and imperceptibly, I was chasing that 'perfect' feeling pretty much 24/7.

But, like the lab mouse who's continually pushing that button to get high, any creative benefits or metaphysical insights I felt I got from weed were eventually reduced right down to simply needing to feel 'out of it'...the amotivational thing you speak of really kicked in, and kicked in HARD after a few years...effort, any effort, beyond toking became simply too hard...

I started off smoking weed writing wild songs and poetry and having even wilder philosophical insights....I ended up near catatonic, on my couch, all day everyday.

I started off using the drug, but in the end it just used me....weed became bigger than the problems and worries I tried to deal with in the beginning. I had to move towns - and more than a little against my will - to get away from weed....but I'm so glad I did.

Take this observation from an old hippy - with the perspective of hindsight I can see now I wasn't smarter, or more insightful, or more creative on weed at all. It just *felt* that way - it's the illusion that keeps you coming back again and again for a hit - that illusion of the perfect high, or even the perfect me....but it *is* an illusion. I know now there's nothing I couldn't do, no song I couldn't write, no epiphany I couldn't experience, that I can't experience straight. Pot didn't create it - it's all there in my brain, right now.

You've posted a few times now, and you seem a bit ambivalent about pot to me, and that's cool...I understand how difficult it is to let go, and get perspective when you're right in the middle of something...but that's why you're here, right ?

I also understand that this is my story and not yours...but it worries me when I hear you say things like "I have the WHOOOLE weekend to do WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT, and I would always end up choosing the weed", or "so maybe I just dont like the world we live in", or "When Im high, it feels "right"...maybe I've taken you out of context, I dunno, but in my experience, and it seems for a lot of other folks here too, anything we do to avoid worries, or to run away from problems, is pretty much gonna come and bite us sooner or later.