Originally Posted by
Ariesagain 
Does he know that alcoholics can't ever drink socially? Sometimes what seems self-evident to those of us who have researched and lived this for a long time isn't obvious to those who are trying to avoid the whole thing?
He may still think this is just a question of willpower and controlling his drinking. It's not your responsibility to educate him, but I just wonder...
He doesn't think that he's an alcoholic. He wants to desperately be able to drink socially like "normal" people do (I do too!). He just hasn't come to terms with the fact that he's an alcoholic and alcoholics process alcohol differently than non-alcoholics. He needs education on the subject but I've stepped out of the equation as much as possible. I've told him before, several times, that he was either going to be an active drunk or he would have to completely abstain. There would be no middle road for him. He is in denial. He doesn't want to stop. It gives him a high; he feels invincible.
When I first started to voice my concerns about the drinking, he denied that he was an alcoholic for a long time. Then he finally admitted it. However, he only "admitted" it to shut me up. He later confessed that and went back to his denial. However, I had a small talk with his mother last year about it and she had told me that my husband asked her if she thought that he was an alcoholic. So I know, that the thought of possibly being one has entered his mind. She told him YES and she doesn't even know 1/4 of what goes on.
So, he's practicing "controlled" drinking, which I think will ultimately fail. I hate to be negative. I try to look for positivity; it helps my mood! I'm in the process of reading Understanding High Functioning Alcoholics, which has been helpful. I read something and say "YES! That's my husband right there!". The book talks about "controlled" drinking and how successful it is amongst alcoholics. It's not successful AT ALL. He's trying to control his drinking. Yet I feel like he's standing (teetering) on top of a dam, and I'm behind the wall protected. Water is flowing through at a decent by managable rate. I've got water boots on, an umbrella, and also a floaty that has a pin hole leak in it. I'm just waiting on the dam to give in. Once it gives, he'll drown and so will I. My life saving supplies are powerless over the alcohol (the water). I feel guilty for wanting to get out of the water before the dam breaks. I want to save him too. I'm not yet ready, but I know it's going to happen eventually. I want to make the most of the marriage before I have to bow out.