*triggery
Ok...here goes. A lot to attend and address.
My anxiety really sets in withdrawl. When I'm.clean, I'm pretty much ok. Tolerable.
I had a sponser and she went out.(2 years ago) To have even asked her was huge for me. As a young girl I was sexually abused by a woman as a girl. She had me and her son play house. So I've really have had a hard time with women. Try as I might, they are not my first choice. Which is not to say that men have not done the same in every way of abuse. Verbal, physical, sexual. What can I say? Apparently I bare some signal that just says "hurt me". They can smell it on me.
That's not even my issue, dealt with all that. It's this 1woman who hangs me up from getting another sponser. How can you not feel responsible for one going out?