Hell on Earth. . .
I went out again. Sunday and every day since.
Last week I was on fire with sobriety. I just thought I will just have a little drink and get back on it tomorrow. Oh the bargaining! Once I get it in my head, its a done deal. I'm off to the races. I did well Monday I hit an early AM meeting and was good for about 4 hours. I drank for 1 day (and not too much even...a pint of the cheapest crappiest Vodka on Earth) and the anxiety set in the minute it wore off. What gets rid of that? More poison! So stupid.
Right now I'm ok. Starting over again. I feel terrible, mentally especially. And physically I still feel pretty bad. Price I have to pay
I really hate this disease.
I feel like I let all of you down. I really felt like the obsession was lifted and then I just became obsessed with that 1st drink. I have got to learn to deal with the unfortunate things going on by not numbing out. It's not an option. Drunk or sober the situation is the same, the problems remain. I resolve nothing.
Just had to come clean.
Sorry. 😞
J