Flower, I think you are doing a wise thing. I got like this too, why even bother to discuss it if you are not there to do anything about it, and he is not either.
I would find my XAH's cans, bottles, whatever. I would just sit them on the table and say nothing. My life was a bit more peaceful after that.
It's really good you are focusing on YOU. Keep posting, you are not alone!