Thanks for the advice.
I've made an appointment with a child psychologist as I can see it is affecting them a lot. Both are teenagers and they know exactly what is going on. Unfortunately we have to wait till July for an opening but it is booked.
I found the Al Anon group and will definitely go there.
For now I just want some peace and to get away for this stress. Am going to see his therapist in an hour and hopefully they can help as he has to do a 6 month "after care" course with them.
Every suggestion helps and I'm just glad to talk about it.