Morning everyone, coffee time
Sah, you have not hurt anyone with your post, everyone can see how hard you are trying. Once you get some sober time behind you it might turn out that perhaps you don't hate yourself after all. Just do whatever it takes to not drink today and take it from there.
STDragon, I was the same and those thoughts occaisionally cross my mind, six months is long enough to forget some of the horrors. Half an hour on the main Newcomers thread usually banishes those thoughts.
I think it is going to be another scorcher here today - 18C/64F already (7.30am)