heartbreak rollercoaster
These last few months has been a complete roller coaster. My wife and I were separated due to her addiction. I was forced to make a choice and kick her out because of how out of control she had become. The use of alcohol and using drugs based on the people she started to hang out with. Then came the stage where we didn't talk for weeks and then we came back together. She started going to rehab and that lasted a few weeks, then one day she just stopped going she says she doesn't feel like she needs It anymore. I have read about this and it is normal. The thing that is destroying me is one day she loves me and things are great the next day she will find anything to be upset and then she is done with me and we go days without talking. She says she isn't using anymore but the other night she came home smelling like liquor and said she only had two drinks and that she cut herself off. Right then I knew we were going back down this path. She has been staying with me every night but will claim to have to go home to grab something and will be there for hours and not respond to any of my calls or anything. Recently she has found something to be upset about and now we are back on this "done" stages. She lives with other addicts and I hate the environment she seems to be easily influenced now a days and it's like as soon as she goes back to that house she becomes someone else. I am trying to keep my wits I try to go to counseling but on the inside I am losing it. I wake up in the middle of the night and just worry I tend to call her without thinking to see if she's ok after I wake up in the middle of the night only to not get a reply. Everyone says I should leave but I love her more than anything and I am fighting but I can literally feel myself losing it. She takes and takes and doesn't give anything. Nothing is ever her fault and there is always a justification for her actions. I am constantly wondering if she even thinks of me or realizes what she's doing. Am I the only one that goes through this? Is this normal? Am I weak these are things that run through my head on the daily. This thread is all over the place but I guess this is my daily rent. Bless you all that take the time to read this.