FS, I'm so glad you are able to see that toxic smog in your FOO and put on your Magic Cape of Impermeability as well as your Reality Goggles.
And it's bad enough when you see the insanity, but when you are resented for having seen it and taken action to get better? That is really just something you don't need to be exposed to...
You know, what you said about your mom thinking that identifying the source of one's wounds is enough to heal them is an accurate description of how XAH's mother is. His father was an A who did the rinse-repeat rehab thing and never got any meaningful sobriety. His mom went to Alanon and apparently was very active, sponsoring and so on. (This was all during XAH's younger years--as soon as the youngest child was out of the house, she divorced him and moved out.)
She was always fond of trotting out the Serenity Prayer at the slightest provocation. But as I got to know her better, it seemed to me she was real good at "accepting the things she couldn't change" but terrible at "changing the things she could." For example, she has been majorly overweight most of her life and became diabetic in recent years, but the most she had done about that was to say "well, when I was young, I learned that food was my friend. It was always there for me, blah blah." No effort to get past that, just that statement, like b/c that is how it was, there was no way to change how it is--you are just stuck w/your erroneous and unhealthy thoughts and habits for all eternity.
Yikes. It just struck me as I typed. XAH is exactly the same way. Oy vey. Well, there is something so obvious I can't believe I never thought of it in over 20 years!
I can't remember where I read this line, but it's stuck w/me for years: "Knowledge w/o action is the biggest self-con around." And it really is.
So glad you didn't fall for that con, even if others in your family did.