I am working on something right now, and I suspect you are a lot the same. I have discovered I have two modes. Good, and complete catastrophe. I let even a little bit of anxiety spiral into something big and out of control.
I am learning, little by little, through counseling and lots of internal work, that this is how I am, and that I have the power to change it. I have to do a lot of self talk to myself through it, and talk myself back to reality if you will. I have reached out to those closest to me who support me during those times, as well as the fine people here at SR who are able to help me cut through it as well.
YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF THIS SITUATION.
I am also going to second what Anvil said. You are capable of doing more. You have proven that by all the work you have done to track and fix that man. Take all that internal work and focus it on YOU. It's hard to make yourself do it, I get that. However, have people you are accountable to will make a difference. As well as a self commitment that this is what you are going to do.
Hugs to you. Were are here.