Thanks so much for that thoughtful response.
It's true. I know what I need to do, I just don't want to do it.
I guess a small part of me is still hoping something will change and give me a reason to stay. But then I guess he knows what to do as well, but doesn't want to do it . So we're just two stubborn idiots.
I just researched the Sinclair Method as I had never heard of it. But it sounds so good. Too good to be true? Sounds like magic. Might be worth a try.
Are you still together with your boyfriend? If so, what stage are you at? Is he trying to quit?
I guess for now, I just need to stop focussing on what he is doing and start paying attention to my own crazy behaviour until I'm ready to move on.
I started a journal today, to try to recognise codependent patterns and document my many emotions.
Originally Posted by
Smarie78 
I'm sorry to hear that. I too sometimes go into "hiding" from here when I don't have good news to share that I've left him. I realize when I post I am not always looking for advice since, let's be honest, we all know what to do! we just don't always want to nor are ready. Sometimes though it's just good to write even if to say 'hey I'm still dealing with this. I know the answer but this is where I am today."
One thing I noticed with my Abf is that he struggles with not being normal. When we are out and ppl are drinking and laughing or enjoying a cold beer in the hot sun, he always seems wistful. I don't think he can admit that he can never drink again. Now I have read articles about moderate drinking being what some choose to do and have done ok (or Sinclair Method, or something in that way), but for chemically dependent cases or full blown addicts, I believe the only effective method is full sobriety. I think AA refers to it as an allergy so sometimes for the BF I think it's easier to think of it as just that. if you loved strawberries but found out you were allergic and could die from them, you probably want to resolve to the fact that you can never eat strawberries if you want to live. Tough pill to swallow if you're a strawbermaniac
But life is probably better that the fruit!
He won't quit until he is good and ready. And he may never be. But like most of the replies say, it's time to look at what you want since that's the only thing you can control. Also, keep in mind that if he is drinking moderate now and nothing major has happened.....it's on its way. My BF use to try the 'moderate drinking' and it worked for a few weeks and he'd brag and be cocky about it like "see, just a little beer with dinner! I don't like want more or want some when I wake up so see I can control it!"...but it always, ALWAYS, was followed by a full blown relapse. The little drinks here and there was just fueling the inevitable fire. And boy when that fire hit.....the whole house burned down