Originally Posted by
tealily 
Every morning I swear I won't, but I do it over and over and over again. I have had countless Day Ones, only to falter after Day Two.
PhoenixJ locked onto the same thing as I did:
Originally Posted by
PhoenixJ I HAD HUNDREDS OF DAY 1'S. iT REQUIRED ME TO BREAK THE CYCLE BY TRYING SOMETHING DIFFERENT- EVEN THO I DID NOT WANT TO. iT MEANT LISTENING WHAT WORKED FOR OTHERS.
Worth reading again. You've been drinking in secret and trying to recover in secret and it's not working. Stop repeating what doesn't work. Overcome that fear that's holding you back from the help you need.