Originally Posted by
Tuna1981 
It's beginning to weigh on our relationship. She is the woman I want to marry but this is giving me reservations. I confront her about it and she calls it BS and if I wanted to marry her I would deal with it bc she deals with things I do (I chew and smoke occasionally). I just don't put the two things on that same level. She says she's alone bc I work so much and blames that on the drinking too. Her drinking has pushed me away emotionally, passionately and romantically. We used to be wild for each other and now it's hard for me to get excited for her when she's drunk or drinking. The smell of Jager just turns me off.
with everything you say, i cant understand why you would want to marry. have you looked why you want to marry? you say you have been pushed away emotionally,passionatley, and romantically, yet you want to marry?
ive been on both sides of the fence- the alcoholic destroying relationship, taking hostages, and playing the victim.
when i was that, the best move anyone around me made was to toss me to the curb. i was only going to do what i could to drag them down with me.
in fact, it was my fiance tossin me to the curb that led me to recovery. she became my ex the night of my last drunk and i dont blame her or anyone else for tossin me out of their lives.
when i got on the other side of the fence- in recovery and into a relationship with a chronic relapsing alcoholic/addict, it was nothing but insanity. it didnt matter what i said or did,
everything going on with her was my fault.no matter what i did or said, she wasnt going to get clean and sober unless she WANTED to.
i had to make a decision- live with the misery, keep getting blamed for her misery. keep waking up every morning saying,'whats it going to be today". plus a LOT of other insanity.
or
end the relationship.
i chose option 2. it was hard and quite chaotic for a while. plus it hurt.
but eventually, by working on me and finding out why i allowed it ti happen, i healed.
"I'm drained and need some advice. I love her but I'm scared this is dark path we are heading down that's only going to get worse. '
yes, If you stick around, YOU will join in the downward spiral. you dont have to allow that to happen to YOU.
you didnt cause it
you cant control it
you cant cure it
i encourage you to head over to the friends and family forum here and do some reading. theres some great stickies at the top of the forum, plus MANY more people that have been in your shoes with a LOT of experience,strength, and hope for you.
LOTS of great knowledge and advise over there.