Addiction controls a person. Well it did for me. No one could change me- until I was prepared to stop drinking. You cannot control others. It is crap. Perhaps if you go to al-anon (support for family and SO's) and post in the family and friends section at SR? Dealing with it? Well, I used to say that- it was a diverting technique- not always intentional because I used to convince myself the lies I told were truth. I did not want to accept I was an alcoholic.
Empathy and support to you.