Sorry you have experienced the dysfunction of growing
up in an alcoholic family, but realizing that it has affected
you is the first step in getting healthy. You have learned abnormal
ways of feeling, reacting, thinking, and acting due to the alcoholism.
It takes time and education to unlearn all of it and to have a chance
at healthy relationships, the most important relationship being
with yourself. ACOA and alanon meetings are great
meetings where you will meet people who understand and are
on their own journey to healthy relationships. You may find getting a
counselor helpful for a time helpful also.
Please reach out here, in friends & family forum, try some
meetings, read books, (codependent no more by melodie beattie
is the most read, and the AA big book, and ACOA big book)
The more effort you put into recovering from the family
disease of alcoholism, the more years of your life you will
spend in happiness. Hugs to you.