makomago

Your responses and reactions seem like normal responses to abnormal circumstances. Why shouldn't you react and feel the way you do?

Truth of the matter... alcoholics are sick people. They're very ill and they don't know it (denial). They were probably bought up in alcoholic and or dysfunctional families themselves, so they don't know what normal is.

Alcoholism affects the whole family. It's a horrible dis-ease. It's enfuriatung, sickening, abusive! It's sad, it's frightening, it's pitiful. I'd like to say it's senseless but it's not... it serves a purpose and the purpose it serves is to mask a myriad of nameless anxieties and fears, and shame, and self loathing. For the lucky ones, as my mentor often says ' it's purpose is recovery. Drinking is but a symptom'.

Both my parents are/were alcoholic. Me too... I identify wholly with the 14 traits of the laundry list - check them out in the stickies. One of my folks has passed away, the other (my mother) has Korsakoff's syndrome and mixed dementia.

Although I didn't know it, I was taught from a young age that my Mums happiness was of paramount importance. If my mum wasn't happy, she might get drunk, or might cry, or might take pills, or might overdose, or might get angry, or might tell me things I didn't like, or might not talk to me.

What I learned was my Mums emotional state affected my safety, and as a child there is truth to that. I then thought that her happiness was my responsibility. Put another way I learned through alcoholic and dysfunctional upbringing to be codependent. This term is interchangeable with the term adult child - as in adult children if alcoholics and dysfunctional families.

... after attending meetings of aca and practicing their program I learned about the full effects of my upbringing and where my various thought patterns, beliefs and behaviours originated and I learned to re program them. I learned to parent myself. I also learned that I am only responsible for my own happiness.

I wish you all well

M