Hi Nion - i'm sorry to hear that you have had such a difficult time recently, but it sounds like you might be ready to stop the rot. It is not always easy for people who do not rely on drink to understand just what a challenge it is to have to deal with ourselves without it - suddenly the self-medication stops and we have to deal with reality. I am only on Day 1 myself and am finding it all quite scary but I know the easiest and worst thing to do would be to put off stopping for yet another day. I really hope that you can find a way forward - i'm sure you will find a lot of support here