TotallyTuckered,
No advice, only empathy. I've been on this journey with my son and it hurts a Momma's heart like nothing else. Have you and your husband attended Al-Anon or NarAnon? They won't tell you what to do with your son but will help you with your emotions. You will be surrounded by people that have been right there in your position. The support I receive there has been invaluable!
Hugs,
Jaeger