Saint,
Welcome aboard.
Ya, tough situation for sure.
Prefer not to beat around the bush because this booze thing is a killer....
You are heavily addicted and trying to moderate will lead to more binges.
Age seems to play well into some folks ability to continue drinking.
I had to quit because my anxiety became unbearable.
This anxiety eventually can lead to insanity, not to mention all the other medical issues alcohol causes or makes worse.
Get clean. Stay clean.
Thanks.