Where you'll wind up...
Lying on a grungy mattress, on a vomit-sticky floor, surrounded by empty cans, messy buckets of filthy water from attempts to clean up. Piles of dirty clothes, empty pill bottles, tipped-over vessels of disgustingness.
People trying to convince you.... "it's time to get help".
Sending them away in a fury. Swearing at them through spit and sweat and the foul odor of your own body dying.
Struggling to the store to steal vodka.... just to keep the DT's at bay a few more hours.
Fingernails and toenails overgrown and gnarled. Stench of your weeks-old clothing. Back thrown out from vomiting so violently. Refusing to go to the ER because you know they won't give you alcohol. Refusing to call the crisis worker because you don't WANT to go to treatment. Trying to keep people from knowing. Hiding out. Isolating. Yelling at the few people who know.... "F*** OFF!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! GIVE ME ALCOHOL!!!".
When only 10 days ago you'd gotten a promotion and things were looking up..... after a suicide attempt 2 months ago (you're not even sure what number suicide attempt this was, at this point).... having gotten a little leg up and help from those who cared.... seeming to start to have it together... going to a few meetings even. Then moving into your own apartment and that day disappearing for almost a week.... landing in the ER.... and now this. Now shaking and trembling and on the edge of death (again) as people who care watch you helplessly as you choose to keep killing yourself.
This is what's happening for a friend of mine. Right now.
This is where it leads.
If you look at your own relationship with alcohol and drugs and a voice goads you on "you're not THAT bad.... c'mon.... you don't have a problem.... you're not as bad as THAT"
Please remember where listening to that voice will lead you.
It gets THAT BAD.
And then you die.