Hey guys.....
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!!
Thanks for the awesome posts, peeps. My inbox seems to be working now, so thank you TOD. And, I loved your story, Tea. Everyday heroes. I like that. SR and all of you are mine. Make no mistake. You are all amazing!!
Refunded....I loved your post. I could so relate to what you said about being the black sheep. My therapist said that we all have our roles to play in the family dynamic, and that when we try to step out of our position, it throws all the other family members off balance, and they will act out accordingly. I am so not sure if I said that right. My therapist explained it better than me, but I hope you get the gist. Anyways, thank you for sharing. I totally get how you feel. You helped me not feel so alone.
So, anyways, quick update. I have a massive toothache and went to the dentist last Thursday. He gave me some bad news about my teeth, and I have been trying to process it ever since. Not ready to talk about it yet. Still going to as many meetings as I can, which hasn't been very many. My dentist gave me 6 5mg Norcos, so I am not using, but it sure opened up a door or something, in my head. I also went back on the Xanax for a few, until I can get through this whole dentist thing. I am going to have two oral surgeries, and I am just really upset about it. Life is just crappy sometimes, and it feels like I am always taking one step forward and like 10 steps back. I am tired, and I am starting to wonder if it's all worth it. Are you all truly happy being sober?? Is it really worth all the pain and sadness and depression?? And when does it finally start to get better??
The next couple months are going to be impossibly hard, and I want to run away from it. But I can't. I just want to crawl in bed today and cry. It seems right now like the only thing I can do.
I hope everyone is doing well. I am sorry I haven't been around much, but I am just so damn depressed. I don't like feeling my feelings. At all. I also hope this post wasn't too all over the place, but that's kinda how my thoughts are right now. I will keep moving forward, because I can't do anything else. But, I hate feeling like this every second of every day. I am losing hope, and can't lose that. it's pretty much all I have left.
I will write more soon. I need to be here more. I miss you all.
Love you guys.