I have to agree with velma. My child is the same age. She has been educated on alcoholism, and what that means. You are right, her relationship with her father may not be "normal." Guess what, many relationships are not normal. Getting her a good counselor to help navigate these waters is the #1 most important thing you can do for her emotional well being. I cannot stress that enough. And research for a good counselor, not just anyone.
Hugs to you both. I agree, when a person has no accountability, they will repeat the behavior over and over b/c they see themselves as a victim. My XAH is a professional victim and has been his entire life LOL. The sooner one realizes it and can adjust your own mindset about him, the better off you will be. Your daughter will see this as well in time.
Hugs.