Bribee

I'm so sure I haven't been the only person to experience this, I just can't seem to find any other accounts of it online. My fiancé has overdosed and been revived twice in the past 3 months. He has been clean for 3.5 years and has relapsed or "slipped up" a couple times over the past couple months. Unfortunately the area we live in is riddled with fentanyl, and both times he's used he has flatlined. Fortunately both times I was home and able to call 911 immediately. I do not nor have I ever been involved with heroin, which is why he hid it from me, he would go to take a shower ( he smokes it) and moments after the water started the sickening "thump". The first time after the naloxone hospital and everything I was just so happy he was alive that even though the memory of his face turning blue and his lack of breath and the feeling of utter hopelessness still haunted me, it faded quickly. I assumed (incorrectly) that he had scared himself out of using as well. Then he did it again. This time he pulled a drawer open, I couldn't get in after picking the lock, when fire and paramedics arrived the door had to be ripped in half, he required 2 shots of naloxone and even then they barely got him back. This time I wasn't full of love and relief... This time I'm angry, the memories are going nowhere and I'm not recovering and forgiving. I just keep getting angrier and more anxious. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Are these normal feelings in dealing with an experience like this or will it only get worse? I'm not sure what to do. I've kept my distance and am not speaking about the relationship currently because I know I'm not in a place to make a decision, or be fair to him as I'm sure this was not only traumatizing to me. I'm just hoping I'll be able to cope soon...