I wish we could put Atalose's post...Recovery Looks Like Recovery...on the entrance to this forum. She is so spot on and it makes it simple.
Sure, some just stop and never use again, but my experience watching hard core addicts like most of our loved ones here, is that unless they embrace a program of recovery as if their life depends on it (because it does), they are doomed to struggle and fail over and over again.
Sometimes it is hard on a relationship when someone new in recovery has to be at meetings so often and focus on their own recovery. Most times, a partner has already played second place to addiction and to have to do that again in recovery is too much. When each partner has and works their own program, it becomes two healthy people who can sort out whether the relationship can be salvaged or not, with clarity and support behind them.
You really do sound well grounded, Deeliliah, I think you will be okay.
Hugs