What I have learned about recovery for the addict and how to gauge the importance they place on it.
Recovery looks like recovery. The addict will move heaven and earth to remain clean/sober. They will do whatever it takes, 1 meeting a day 3 meetings a day whatever they feel is needed. They will not make excuses to attend meetings, counseling. They will find a sponsor and they will work the program. They will dedicate time and energy towards their recovery and embrace it. They will be honest and accountable with their time, money etc. They may talk a lot about their recovery or they may not say a word. They will not make rash decisions without first talking it through with most likely their sponsor or others in the program.
What a half a@@ed attempt at recovery looks like………and another relapse in the making...
They are home after 28-30 days at a rehab and want to jump right back into their old life with no hesitations. They make excuses for not putting their recovery first, like they need to work, they need to make money, and they need to take care of their families. Meetings, counseling are all secondary to whatever they can manage to put ahead of it. They claim they know now how to stay clean/sober that rehab taught them everything they need to do and they promise they will do. But do none of it or do a little halfheartedly.
The only reasonable measure of their true recovery is time but also actions speak the loudest.
I think nar-anon is a wise choice for you to get involved with and see if you can find a sponsor and begin working that program. It will help with the anger, hurt and disappointment. Al-anon is a similar program, you might want to check that out as well. Often al-anon offers more meetings, locations, and times then nar-anon does and pretty much the same principals. Drugs/booze – addiction is addiction.
If only I knew back then what I know today when my ex first relapsed 4 years into our relationship I certainly would not have stayed onboard for another 9 !!!! It truly was just a slow sinking ship with brief moments/days/months/even a year of pulling away from that iceberg but in the end, it was actually anchored to it all along and always would be.