I feel like my "job" is to work on me and observe his recovery so that I can know if it's time to run and save myself. I'm still too angry and that last weekend he was here didn't give me any hope that he's in the right head place for recovery. I don't feel safe putting much emotional investment into him pulling out of this. I'm in self-protection mode, not supportive spouse mode. I'm supportive of actual recovery, sure, I'm just not in the place at the moment where I can expect it to happen or entertain any romantic notions about our relationship.
Deelilah, you have no idea what clarity those words present. They are good words, honest words about taking care of yourself and I would not be afraid to pass them on to the counselors if they ask. They will "get it" and actually admire you for taking care of yourself.
Just wanted to add that here.