Originally Posted by
atalose 
I do think they can be helpful, helpful for YOU in stating your feelings and boundaries. I think it’s much easier over the phone then in person. But I think before that phone call you need to be very clear with yourself on what your boundaries are and where you’d like to see your own recovery in say 30 days from now.
What does that entail for you? What does “truly into his recovery” look like to you? Do you have a specific time frame in mind to gauge that by? 1 month? 3 months? 1 year?
As for your own recovery and all that built up anger, resentment and ego bruising, what are your plans to work through all of those emotions instead of carrying them around with you?
If there is one consistent common denominator with addicts returning from rehab it is exactly what TiredDad said…I should have been doing more to focus on repairing and preparing myself. By not working on me I let myself trust to soon. Trusting to soon! And NOT working on us.
The sad part is that I don't have answers to those questions. I need to have answers to those questions well before he leaves rehab. Boundary for sure is that I will not be in a relationship with an active addict. What his recovery is supposed to look like to me? Good question. I'm not sure what to expect when he gets out. I'm not sure what is fair to expect. I'm not sure what time-frame I should be looking at, considering he relapsed after 8 years. There clearly isn't a "safe" time-frame. For me, I want to not be angry. I want to be at some sort of peace. Naranon seems to be the road to that. How to be at peace when I'm not sure what each day will bring is a skill I seriously need to work on. Having backup plans is essential to my ability to care for myself and my children. Having to have backup plans like that sucks.