I was very sorry to read your story.
I come from a very traumatic background myself so I completely understand you saying that what you were going through was pretty normal for you. But believe me, it is not normal. It is not normal to be in a relationship that makes you cry more than you smile. It is not normal to be afraid of someone who is meant to be on your side. It is not normal to have to question whether you are worthy of love.
It may take you years of therapy and work to get to a place where you believe what I have just said. Unfortunately it won't come overnight. But please just know that you do not have to live this way.
Small steps - starting with getting yourself to a place where you feel safe. You do not need to live in fear.
Please come back and tell us how you're getting on.