Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
yeah i get him being on edge....BUT......time and place, dude.
ya know i'm thinking there had to be more going on his head for quite some time for him to get to HERE. this isn't the time to dissect it, of course.
so how are the kids? are you having any talks with them? are they asking any questions? even IF it seems that some or most of them is sailing over their heads, they know in their marrow something is not right.
you're going to need some F2F support too. you don't have to figure any of this out today, today is for standing your ground and trying to keep things as normal as possible INSIDE the home. you are obviously a very independent strong woman with a clear sense of things....but you are also a wife and a mom and watching someone you thought you knew change before your eyes. that can really mess with your head after a while!!!
Yeah, he needs to figure out how he went from a loving and happy husband really proud of his life and accomplishments to being whatever he is now.
The kids are okay. His daughter knows what's going on. She's not dumb. She's hurt, but she's so used to instability in life that she took it better than she should be able to. That is so sad. My kids knew from close to the beginning (they're 16 and 12) because my AH's niece heard from her dad and felt the need to tell them both before I had a chance to talk to them. So since they started from a period of knowing the whole deal, I have been honest with them the whole way through. Well, appropriately honest, I think, lol. I don't rage about hating him this evening, for example, but they know why he isn't home. I don't like it that I can't tell them whether we'll be living here in a month or not. It's not fair that they have uncertainty hanging over their heads. My daughter is the 12-year-old. She loves my AH and is really hurt. My son didn't bond with him as closely, so he's only really concerned about my well-being. Sweet of him. Sons can be great. I try to not have this rule their lives, but I know that there's no way it doesn't affect them more than it should. That's the biggest reason that things cannot go on this way. They seriously do not deserve it. They're hostages to my choices.
My head is very much messed up already. I try to act like I've got it together, but inside is a wreck. I think I know intellectually what I'm dealing with, but the emotions just haven't caught up yet. They're all over the place. I started a fire in our fire pit this evening and burned some wedding pictures...I know, really mature, lol. It made me feel better to get some of the anger out that way. I'm a big fan of sitting by a fire and thinking.
I plan to spend lots of quality time at Naranon meetings for a long while. I always feel better after one of those. It's like being here but in person. They all know exactly what it's like. You guys are a tremendous support and I don't know that I'd be half as sane without you. This forum was the best thing I've found.