Oh, it has been just a fantastic weekend. Couldn't be better. Geez. I know it's hard to be a grown-up. Lord knows I know it is. Let's see, so far:
Act I: My ex shows up to pick up my kids for the weekend Friday. While we're waiting on them to get ready, he tells me about this synthetic pot kind of thing he buys legally at the convenience store that really helped with his pain from shingles. I have no idea what he's talking about. Must be some newfangled thing the kids are doing. 50-year-old kids, nowadays, I tell you. You never know what they're getting into. This man is 7 years older than me. I married him way back in my 20s because I was impressed at how much of an adult he was. HA HA HA HA HA.
Act II: My lovely 15-year-old stepdaughter arrives for the weekend. Which surprised me some, because I know her mom must know what's going on. So why send her here? Anyhow, I find out in the first 30 minutes that last weekend her stepfather hit her mom and she was involved in a literal tug-of-war with this violent punk over her 5-year-old little brother to keep him from taking the kid and driving off. I'm thinking "Holy crap, that is NOT a safe environment for this child! I have got to tell my husband that we need to keep her here and fight for custod....wait, her dad is a CRACKHEAD. THIS is not a safe environment for her! For god's sake, can she not have ONE SANE PARENT?!? Neither of those fools deserve her. At least her mom stopped hitting her a few years ago.
If there was any decency in her mom or dad, they'd at the very least start a fund for her future therapy needs, because she is surely going to require a good decade of that. I didn't even bother to tell him this because he would have just used it as an excuse to go get crack. While she was here. Because that will help.
Act III: Since my AH was too embroiled in his own self-loathing and depression to be a real father on Saturday, I took my stepdaughter out for the afternoon and we laughed and talked and had a much needed good time. When we got home, she really wanted all of us to go out to eat, particularly her dad since she wanted some time with him. He reluctantly agreed, and we went to Ruby Tuesday and proceeded to have the most uncomfortable meal I've had in a while. He barely spoke, complained that no food was good without beer and ordered himself some green beans that he also said didn't taste good. I watched this child try to make everything light and happy and got more and more enraged by the moment.
I could feel my "everything is fine" mask slipping on the way home, so as soon as we got there I walked outside for a few so that I wouldn't lose my **** in front of his child. While I was doing so, he told his daughter that he was going for a drive because he had upset me. I saw him leave and texted him "I am not an excuse" and he actually came back. Shocking. He pretended to be a human for the rest of the evening and we all watched a movie. See, when you're a crackhead, the appropriate response to hurting your loved ones is to go get high. Because that helps everyone.
Act IV: Today, I drove to go get my kids and he took his home. When I got home, I saw his truck wasn't here. I texted and asked if he were buying some. He said he was. I told him I would not have the kids around this ****, he said maybe I should make arrangements just in case. I told him I would not put them out of their home and not to come back here tonight. I do not deserve this and neither do they.
I HATE HIM. HATE. HATE HATE HATE. Can't be there for his child who really needs him right now, doesn't give the first sliver of a damn about me. I do not deserve this. His daughter does not deserve this. My kids do not deserve this. Hell, my DOGS do not deserve this. Right now he doesn't deserve to breathe the air with my f@cking GUINEA PIG.
I know it's a disease, I know he isn't an abominable person deep down, I know I know I know. But I don't care right now. I can't find it in me to do anything but hate. I am so tired of this. He can get his ass on an airplane tomorrow or just get his ass out of my life. I don't care which at the moment. Just so long as I don't have to see him.
Hey, isn't this cute...this is the love of my life I'm talking about here. Insanity.