One rarely exists without the other. You cannot find an addict without shame - - - or a shameful person without an addiction. Shame and addiction are attached at the heart, sharing the same blood that keeps them alive. Where one leads, the other must follow.
This made me exhale. I'm so grateful to get to read how you're doing right now Sugarangel. I'm sorry to read that about your Mom, it is so weird when you start to see their flaws and allow yourself to not do the usual family dance. My Dad likes to do that gaslighting thing. Say comments that are guised with a chuckle but they're deep digs and then if I get upset or I decide to leave - then I'm the Ahole. Always. In my small family I am always the bad sheep. The older I get I see my Mom not so much as a perfect human but as a wounded woman. She comes from a generation that never apologizes, it's weak to cry, toughen up, etc. So all she can really do is blame others because she is never kind to herself on a genuine level. Off topic - sorry.... hearing the dialogue you and your brother had is awesome. Having any kind of honest, from the heart words with people we love and when they are supportive....can be so helpful to our sobriety.
Day 10. You got this.