Thank you for all the words of support. I have gone to my parents for the weekend. My mom is difficult but being close to my dad helps me to feel more grounded. I am determined to find a new place to rent so I have brought some of my things back here as well. I have been living in that place for almost a year and it is amazing how things accumulate.
Anyway for a while I was mired in self pity. I'm lying in bed thinking of what do I do with my life. I'm mid 30s, stuck in a job where I'm the office scapegoat. Trying to figure out what to do. I can't afford to go back to college for the third time in my life. And for what, for it all to go belly up again. I would be 40 with no life and broke after college. Wouldn't be able to travel at 40 and can't exactly afford a mortgage now and I don't see that changing any time soon.
I'm getting older with nothing to show for it. I wish I could take 20 years off my life and start all over again at 18. That's what I was thinking lying awake in bed tonight.
Then I found my memory stick with old copies of my C.V. from 2 - 3 years ago. My C.V. at that time was pitiful. Not a lot of real work experience. Trying desperately to cover up the gaps. I thought back to how things were at that time and to where I am now. Wow, I have come a loooooooooonnnnngggggg way since then. And I am grateful.