I'd suggest you stop trying to make your POINTS. He won't see it, won't agree, will never, ever admit it (unless it's part of a strategy to reel you back in).
I would end the discussions, period. It will get you nowhere. Do you have a lawyer? If not, I REALLY recommend that you get one. You've got a few complicated things going on here, and if nothing else, the lawyer can be a buffer so you don't have to deal with him directly. The DV advocate might be able to recommend some low cost services that can help.
And, FWIW, I'm pretty sure it isn't only "sometimes" that it really sucks to be the wife of an abuser.
ETA: Great to see your light saber glowing again!