It really sucks sometimes being the partner of an abuser.
I've gotten close to a few girls in the the program. I've gotten close enough to let them in on why I can't go out with them after a tough exam, or meet on the weekends to study, and other things like that.
They all know it's because AH will probably come unglued and that he's kinda..well not kinda... he IS a very possessive, jealous, and mean person when he chooses to be. It's all just right below the surface.
I told these friends about the possibility of a continuance...... they just shook their heads in disappointment.
It must be hard, watching someone like me, make the same stupid choices over and over....
What do they say? It takes someone about 5 times to leave their abuser for good, or something like that?
I, personally, am actually very proud. I actually FILED the damn papers to begin with! That was actually a huge step for me. And I haven't backed down.
Each time we talk about the divorce, I say:
"Here's the problem: You say I've cheated on you multiple times, and you think I'm currently cheating on you. You say I've ruined your life. You say that I've wrecked everything that is good. You've called me a liar. You've called me horrible names including the W word, the C word, and so much more. I'm not sure why you WANT to be married to someone that you honestly feel is doing all these horrible things to you.."
The point I'm trying to make to him is that he KNOWS I'm NONE of those things. He just says it to hurt me. I'm TRYING to point out the fact that he's just nothing more than abusive.
I told him I just won't stand to be married to someone that hates me as much as he does.
"But I don't hate you"
"Really? Because, it sure as hell doesn't feel that way on this end.."
And that's generally where it ends. I'm SURE he thinks that by getting sober, it's just going to fix everything. It will change his behavior, it will change it all....
I would be so frusterated if I had a friend like me......
feeling like a disappointment today. ..Booooo