For the regulars here most know my story but many do not. In January of 2014 out of the blue my 28 year old daughter developed a cough and after extensive tests the doctor spoke with us and I heard the words that no parent should ever have to hear. Your daughter has stage four terminal cancer and likely has six months to live.
The next six months were hell watching her slowly die and not being able to do a damn thing about it. It was horrible beyond horrible and there just aren't words in the English language that remotely convey what it is like. She passed on my 5 year sobriety birthday which I will forever believe was not a coincidence.
Actually as bad as it was she was still alive then the real darkness came after she died. I went to places that were so very very dark. Every day for almost two years were a waking nightmare. I was alive but dead inside. There was not a second I wasn't crushed. I would wake horribly sad, go through the day horribly sad, and go to bed horribly sad.
Although I wouldn't wish my tragedy on my worst enemy I have grown and my sobriety stronger than it ever has been. I thought I would post a few things I have learned.
- There is no problem alcohol won't make worse
- Hard times are something we must go through. There simply are no short cuts
- There are many reasons to drink. Some would say even some good ones but we all know where that first drink will lead us which is the black hole of alcoholism
- The time to have a sobriety plan in place is before you need it
- Lean on people. They want to help so let them
- There are many many days where simply getting out of bed is a huge accomplishment.
- Keep doing whatever you have been doing that has kept you sober no matter how much you just want to crawl in a hole and die
- If you have a God in your life pray
- Use professional help
Today I'm still very sad but I'm able to experience joy as well. I discovered you can be happy and sad at the same time. My 8 year anniversary is coming up and the 3 year anniversary of her death so I'm thinking about what a journey this has been.