Big hugs to you.
This is your chance, mama - a fresh, HEALTHY start.
I don't know what you believe, but it's been my experience that when I drag my heels too much with something that wasn't meant for me, the universe gives me a nice shove and just forces me....and it's ALWAYS turned out to be a blessing.
Hang in there, this is pretty raw. It will pass, and you have nothing to be afraid of!