Been both a binger, daily and abstainer. The only one that brings any peace, even in difficult circumstances is abstinence. Alcohol brings no joy, its sucks the life out, it crushes the soul. It lies, it causes internal rage. It kills....
With God's help, support from others, believed I was good enough. Practice daily gratitude. Chose to stop killing myself and hurting others. I accepted my alcoholism for what it is. Became aware of triggers, had a plan, took action. I learned to respond and not have a knee jerk reaction to people, places and things.
This changed my mind and behaviour. I learned how to meditate. Deep down I know my body is different. Don't process alcohol like others. I can't stop at one or two 90% of the time. I never knew when something bad would happen. Life wasn't met to be lived being drunk, causing harm to self and others.
Life is met to be lived. Which includes everything. Good, bad, indifferent. Tired of lying to myself about my alcoholism. All the destruction it brings. The truth can set you free!...
Have no doubt that any of us can choose, change and find freedom. You have a place of belonging. It's with us and other's who have addiction issues. You can do this Rainy.