RoseCK.......first....you say that you are "hurt"because he is drinking and lying....It might help you to know that alcoholics don't drink to hurt other people (even though it does).....they drink because they are alcoholics and that is what an alcoholic does. He is not drinking at you...he is just drinking....
I gather that you have been open with him about you feel about the drinking and the effects it has had on your feelings about the relationship....
the way I look at it...it really doesn't matter what you say...one way or another. because it won't affect his drinking....He will get it that he is helpless over alcohol when he comes to that conclusion, himself....and, it will be on his timeline....
I think the main reason not to harp on him about it, is because it makes life harder for you....it just causes more conflict between the two of you....
I'm not saying that you shouldn't have boundaries as to what you will tolerate or not...you definitely should....
time marches on...and, the nature of alcoholism is that it gets worse over time....so, things won't remain like they are now, forever...he will either decide that he wants real recovery or he will get worse.....
Meanwhile, you will have time to work on your own recovery...as hard as you wish he would work on his....
By the way...he doesn't need you support....except tp the point of getting out of his way...
He has the program and AA and his own counselor....those are the people that he should be going to for help....you can't be his therapist, and you shouldn' try. You are too close and too entangled.....
If he wants genuine recovery, he has all the people that he needs for that....
alcoholics will listen to another alcoholic in recovery much better than they will listen to their loved ones.....they are too entangled with their loved ones, also....