Duffy- yep feelings suck. I did not have affirmed feelings as a kid- from what my dear old ma told me 9daed now0 I was created to save their marriage. Then I was just left to be- no input positive or negative. So booze woke something up- 20 years too late. By then the die was cast. It was only through getting fried I discovered the blody things will not be ignored. So now I sit, as you and many damaged souls- to repair, accept and heal. Not to live back ten- but to TRY and embrace the gift of life , whatever the crap that means- cope and believe- with hope stuff does get better. Spiritual awakening/ HA! More like spiritual shock treatment. Oh well to feel anything is elemental and raw. So we all scream at the absurdity together- perhaps we are the more sane of people for it.
Remember to look after your basic needs- rest, food and water. Empathy to you. You show strength and a grounded awareness.