Originally Posted by
Ituvia 
We met at work and started seeing each other 5 years ago and his issues with alcohol slowly started coming to light. The first time he took me to meet his friends, he passed out from too much drinking and his friend tried to grope me and my bf had no idea. Then he'd drink and go to sleep every alternate day. Things started unraveling when he moved in and I started noticing that some days he'd take sick leave and get drunk. I started fighting over his drinking and he'd make promises he can't keep. After two years we got two dogs and I thought he'd be responsible but on most days when he is relatively sober in the mornings, I'd have to wake him up to take the dogs out. In the evenings when he is not drinking, he'd go to sleep early after food. I started becoming more and more lonely. He'd not know who's in the house or what anyone's doing. The dogs would bark and he wouldn't wake up. I was so helpless and I'd fight with him all the time. Not talking, kicking him out and taking him back. Things started getting out of control when he'd drink a whole bottle and not know if I came back from work. I'd wake him up and fight and a few times, I did hit him. I am not justifying what I did. I am so ashamed but I was furious that he was wasting his life. I informed his folks who kept saying it's his life and they can't help. I even offered to take him to rehab and pay for it and support the house until he is clean and he agreed but never actively wanted to go. He'd pester me to drink along with him even if I don't want to and If i say no, he'd not talk for hours.
Read this a few times and ask yourself what you miss about this. I have a tendency to miss my qualifier when he vanishes on his benders, but I know it is just emotions playing tricks on me and that I only miss the good moments and seem to have amnesia for everything else. And as atalose says, he finally broke the cycle and I would consider it a true blessing. You are going to hurt for a while like any break up does regardless of whether it's with an alcoholic or not. We grieve, we feel pain, we don't like how life feels without the person we were use to no matter how awful they were or were not. It's an adjustment, but you will get through it all and you will eventually stop feeling this level of pain. It will lessen, and you will move on with your life free from the nightmare of addiction with a loved one.
Also, please know that one day he too will move on with another and you just may click on that Facebook profile photo and see a pic of him and another woman. It may devastate you depending on where you are in your own grieving and healing, or you may be past it and hurt for a little bit and then feel it lift because someone wonderful has walked into your life whom you would never have known if you stayed with this toxicity.
Grieve, be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself, and slowly the pain will lessen.
Congrats on being an aunt! It's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me!
