DesertEyes

Boundaries are not for your mom, they're for you. Boundaries determine what actions you are going to take to protect yourself from her behavior. They're not supposed to create any kind of change on her part.

What I did with the no contact thing is put a limit on what I would tolerate. When my mom called me drunk I would simply hang up. When she called me un-drunk I would set a time limit on how long I would pretend to listen to her complaining and whining. I started at an hour, then after a few months 45 mins, then 30. Then I would come up with some excuse; the landord is knocking on my door, the dog is peeing in the house plant, whatever, and then hang up.

My dad was the offensive one. Saying insulting, horrible things just like your mom said about the passing of your father. I did the same with thing, slowly cut back his "supply" of time with me.

It doesn't matter why. This person is a drain in your life and that is all that matters. Just because you share some DNA does not mean you have to share anything else. In ACoA we make a big distinction between "Family of Origin", those with whom random chance gave us a share of DNA, and "Family of Choice", which are those people who have earned our trust.

Technically speaking I share DNA with worms, monkeys and cockroaches, that doesn't mean I have to put up with them in my life.

Welcome to our corner of recovery, that's what this forum is for.

No worries. Al-anon is just one of many sources of support. In addition, each al-anon meeting has it's own flavor depending on who is in attendance. Some of them focus on ACoA issues, but those are few and hard to find.

Mike