Are you saying that you drink to give you courage to socialise with other people?
I don't understand what you mean about your sister and the big book - can you explain?
The 3 shift rotation - is this your work?
Are you saying you drink when you are not at work or drink to get you through the shifts?
To me it sounds like you are forcing yourself to be in situations you are really not happy with.
I drank a lot as I found conversation hard on nights out and get to togethers.
I blacked out an awful lot.
Some people can laugh it off but I found it scary and I hated not knowing what I had done.